Boy, self-reflection is an interesting Karma. I am just breathing now. After the vortex of life and death and hopes and dreams and endings and beginnings that have been the last few weeks, I am just breathing. And reflecting. And self-reflecting.
I started by re-reading this blog, moving backwards through time. Can I just say that it's been a bone I've wanted to pick for a long time about how I've structured this blog. I wish I could just have the pages set up like a book, so anyone could move forward from the beginning, as opposed to moving backwards one post at a time. But I digress.
I am a repetitive writer. I see myself re-writing over and over how much I'm working to "purge and organize" and "continue to find my creative self" and "waiting to see what I want to be when I grow up." But I know I AM grown up. I am the master of my destiny. "Your place in the path of life is in the driver's seat" - that's the fortune I've had pinned to whatever my current computer is (dragged from one to the next) for the last 28 years or so.
As I looked over the sporadic (and I do mean sporadic - sometimes only 2 for an entire year) blog posts, I realized that I had nothing for the entire 2016. A whole year of my life not published. Not mentioned. Not even a brief "if I could only get back to this blog" post. Even the few years surrounding that time? One post in 2014. Few in 2013. Few in 2015. Like a giant block of swiss cheese - loads of holes here, there, everywhere.
"What are you doing the rest of your life? The north and south and east and west of your life? ..."
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
Sunday, September 8, 2019
#67 - "So this is what lies beneath..."
Months and months go by and oh boy, here we go into the whirlwind.
Life changes, the wind blows and things are all different now. It's been a horrific and fantastic week, all in one.
The Vault goddess is smiling down on me for sure, along with the Imperial Man, and now, recently joined by the last of the wonderful kitties.
Buddy was my longest pet relationship - 16 years from kittenhood into curmudgeonly old cat. Over a week ago, he disappears, and it took 2 days to find him, under the deck in exceptionally mauled condition. The vet said it had all the signs of a raccoon attack. Stitches from his eye to his mouth, nasal puncture, his entire upper gum sheared with stitches inside his mouth. A horrible week of trying so hard to nurse him back, 4 trips and a small used car to the vet later, and Wednesday afternoon, he had a horrible seizing arched body, followed up a cauterwalling wail 3 times, and as I picked him up, he died in my arms. I can never unsee that. I'm trying so hard to remind myself we did what we thought was right.
Only a week before, he was frolicking in the garden doing what he loved; he'd caught a large mouse/baby rat and was walking around with him, releasing it and recatching it. He was a mouser to the end. Well, except for the end that didn't allow anything like that. Rest in peace with all the other kitties we've loved and lost.
All this in the midst of dress rehearsal week leading to our opening on Friday night in a show I'm so honored and proud to have been chosen to bring to life: The Humans. Bravo to NTC for taking such a huge risk and mounting this dark, warm and realistic until it isn't show. Our director, the so amazingly talented Pat Nims, said he believes this is destined to be a new classic in American Theatre and I totally agree. I am so grateful to have had the need to stay with it during this horrible awful fantastic week.
My opening was my husband's closing - he's finally DONE driving daily to and fro SF now. The commute, which was horrible for me for 14 years (but I was able to telecommute a lot of the time) became unbearable for him.
Now, maybe we'll get back to the Vault (and the Imperial Man's treasure trove as well). Let's see what happens next.
Life changes, the wind blows and things are all different now. It's been a horrific and fantastic week, all in one.
The Vault goddess is smiling down on me for sure, along with the Imperial Man, and now, recently joined by the last of the wonderful kitties.
Buddy was my longest pet relationship - 16 years from kittenhood into curmudgeonly old cat. Over a week ago, he disappears, and it took 2 days to find him, under the deck in exceptionally mauled condition. The vet said it had all the signs of a raccoon attack. Stitches from his eye to his mouth, nasal puncture, his entire upper gum sheared with stitches inside his mouth. A horrible week of trying so hard to nurse him back, 4 trips and a small used car to the vet later, and Wednesday afternoon, he had a horrible seizing arched body, followed up a cauterwalling wail 3 times, and as I picked him up, he died in my arms. I can never unsee that. I'm trying so hard to remind myself we did what we thought was right.
Only a week before, he was frolicking in the garden doing what he loved; he'd caught a large mouse/baby rat and was walking around with him, releasing it and recatching it. He was a mouser to the end. Well, except for the end that didn't allow anything like that. Rest in peace with all the other kitties we've loved and lost.All this in the midst of dress rehearsal week leading to our opening on Friday night in a show I'm so honored and proud to have been chosen to bring to life: The Humans. Bravo to NTC for taking such a huge risk and mounting this dark, warm and realistic until it isn't show. Our director, the so amazingly talented Pat Nims, said he believes this is destined to be a new classic in American Theatre and I totally agree. I am so grateful to have had the need to stay with it during this horrible awful fantastic week.
My opening was my husband's closing - he's finally DONE driving daily to and fro SF now. The commute, which was horrible for me for 14 years (but I was able to telecommute a lot of the time) became unbearable for him.
Now, maybe we'll get back to the Vault (and the Imperial Man's treasure trove as well). Let's see what happens next.
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